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A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child.
That’s how awful the loss is.
– Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976

       

There is no word for it because it is an unimaginable burden to carry, dealing with narcissism and grief simultaneously adds another layer of and level to consider while learning to live with it.  A collective ravage of grief, loss, disbelief, anxiety, and anger. So intensified by the love for your children that it consumes your very being and can be just as physically and mentally debilitating as a physical wound or mind trauma. It overcomes you when you least expect it; a song, a smell, a memory, no rhyme or reason, no warning and no mercy.  There is no negotiating when the nothingness takes over and you are completely blindsided with sadness and despair.  You try to deny it, but the darkness takes you by the heart and relentlessly eats away at your emotions until you cry, scream, go insane or all of the above at the same time because you are left with an array of what ifs and I should haves after you have buried your child or worse yet; children.  

 

The raw emotional carnage that is left within your core, eating away any sense of remaining normalcy; clawing at you from the inside where no one else can see it, feel it, or even begin to comprehend it, unless they have experienced it; there are no words and no wishing it away; what remains is.......

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INTERNAL CARRION